Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
OPIZZABONMYDICK
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
