I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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