Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Come on in and take your pants off
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