i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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