Banned from zoo.
Again?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
