I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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