Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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