One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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