I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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