you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
