Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
