As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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