i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
