Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Fuck appropriateness.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
