A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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