i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
