you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
