I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
