I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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