Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
