Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
operation have a gay friend backfired
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
