drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
