Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
