I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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