I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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