my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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