My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
