im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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