The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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