I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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