Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
