I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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