Porn is love you can see.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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