i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
this is an emotional support booty call
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm bleeding and have questions
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
