I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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