Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
