Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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