I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
