birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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