Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
