Yo dont text me then not text me
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Randomize
