the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i drank out of a bidet.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
