people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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