Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
