It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
