Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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