I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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