I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
