It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize