My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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