And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
