Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Randomize
