drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
its not stalking. its research.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
