OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
