just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
