Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
