If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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