it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
