I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
