Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
