Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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