If that was your dad, he is hot
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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