Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
