we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
