He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
time to smoke my breakfast
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
