When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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