He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
