all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
