I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
