I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
