I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize