I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize