It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
honey bunches of taint.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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