i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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